Recently advice was given that was not good advice. Well, I shouldn't say that. I'll amend. The advice was not complete advice. It was the kind of "follow your heart" advice that it recklessly dramatic and hopelessly vague, the last kind of advice that should be given to this particular recipient.

To be a little less cryptic for argument's sake, the advice given was a bit like this: You should never keep your mouth shut. Speak in love, but do speak. You will regret it if you stay silent.

Now, while I agree that it is not healthy to hold things back from people you care about (especially if their well-being is at stake), I disagree entirely with the stipulation that 'everything' should be said. If someone you know is binge drinking themselves to death, please help them, talk to them. If someone you know walks funny, don't tell them, love them and walk with them. They probably know they're a little gimpy and don't need you to point it out. If someone you know has a problem they confide in you, it is your job to keep it and help them through it. It is not your job to tell someone else. It is not your job to broadcast it. It is not your job to weave it into the grapevine.

As someones friend, it is your job to speak up when your friend needs to hear something. It is your job to remind them that you care by telling them you do, saying you love them, giving them a hug. It is not your job to be solely responsible for your adult friend. You may not agree with them, it may be difficult to support them, it may be hard to keep your opinions for the sake of their happiness. Ultimately, THAT is your job as their friend. Supporting them, their happiness, and their decisions as much as you can. And above all, loving them no matter what.

If your friend buys a dog, even if you hate dogs...Good for them.
If your friend gets their nipples pierced, ouch....But way to go.
If your friend wants to join a circus and be the Bearded Lady....Buy your tickets early.
If your friend tells you that they are gay....be as proud of them as they should be of themselves.
If your friend wants to marry their high school sweetheart....offer to help plan the wedding.
If your friend gets evicted...pull out the air mattress or let them crash on your couch.
If your friend wants to tattoo a life-size rendering of Tickle-Me-Elmo on their back....go with them and hold their hand, it's going to be a long night.


If you have feelings for someone you know, I am a firm believer that you should keep your mouth shut about it unless that person expresses interest. In that case, your feelings should gradually be shown. That way, you don't reveal too much too quickly and if it doesn't work out, you can walk away with your dignity and feelings in tact. If you know for certain that the person does NOT feel the same way, it is fruitless, reckless to tell them how you feel. Not only could you destroy or forever alter the dynamic of that friendship/relationship, you risk your own feelings being shattered. You most certainly do not broadcast it to the rest of the world.

Words are powerful. Both the giver and receiver of this "good advice" should know that better than most...and to give such romanticized advice without knowing the context is careless.

Clearly this is something I am feeling exponentially stronger about the more I am having to deal with it...*steps down off soap box*