Argh.

Restless again. I want to go back to Waco, but I really don't. I want to stay here with my family. I want to be back with my boyfriend, but I want to sit in my house with nothing to do and feel great about it. I want to go to apartment and not be angry and irritated by recurring nightmarish situations and people and responsibilites and commitments and deadlines and projects and scrutiny and auditions and hopelessness and helplessness and drowning in my own procrastination and my unending fear of people with their pettiness and their poor discretion and their lack of civility. I want to lay in a huge bathtub with bubbles and I want to hold my breath under the hot water as long as I can. For some reason, I feel like that is my medicine. That's what's going to make the anxiety fade out. I'm over this phase of my life. Can I move on now? Can I be graduated and on my way to NY?