Authorial Intent

I swear I saw it. It was there all of a day, in a momentary flash of brilliance the memory came back because of those words. It pinched me, called me to its attention and lingered in my mind. When I'm around you, its there. This tiny foolish thought that persists and tells me what I want and what I don't. This thought doesn't know me or my desires yet it tugs and pulls me toward something that ultimately would destroy me and everything good I have come to surround myself with. To repeat a mistake like this thought at all would be unacceptable.

But that doesn't change the fact that it's there and it knows I want to follow.

Then I think, maybe the thought wasn't meant for me at all. Was it not? Maybe I was reading in between lines that were not mine. Maybe; that would certainly make life easier.

A night out with friends. Well, a night. Out. Not a "Night Out".
Surviving the Circle. Driving in circles in the Circle.
Coffee at a table much too big for the two of us.
That's a bit like you and I, really. Too much between and not really enough at the same time. You're fun though, I enjoyed actually talking to you again. And I can be direct with this since you're the only one that reads this thing.
Taco C has horrible margaritas. The kind you can't really feel until you stand up...and even then, the buzz just whizzes by and leaves you with the faint impression that maybe at some point, you could've been tipsy...

School. Responsibility. Planning. Life.
It all catches up to you.

I think about what I want to do all the time, what I want to be/do with my life...and it isn't a scary thought process until I talk to someone else about it. It is then that I realize how unprepared, how unsure I am. That's an unsettling thought: instability. Even the parts of my life that feel fairly solid are all of a sudden shaky. Weird how the thought of growing up rattles everything else so much. Ugh. Growing up.

Bored with this. It's almost four in the morning....why am I still awake?
Oh yeah. That whole coffee thing.